Removing Toxic People from Your Life

At some point within our lives, we’ve all come across people with the “Crabs in a Barrel Mentality”… “If I have can’t have it… neither can you!”

That is one of the most foolish things I will never understand and the saddest part about it is that most of them are close family and friends.  But let’s not forget others such as coworkers, friends of friends, etc… You get my point.  The “Crab Mentality” will attack, threaten and even sabotage any possibility of self-improvement.

I will put myself out on a limb and say it’s safe to call this general group of people “TOXIC”.  If you’re trying to get ahead in life or make any changes for the better, you must remove anyone from your life who seem to be against it.  I am aware that it’s not an easy task especially when they are your family members.  However, you may not have to completely cut them from your life because you love them, but you can distance yourself from them.  You make the choice.

Anyone who appears threatened by your self-improvements only expose their shortcomings.

Okay, Senobia… How do I know if these people you mention are toxic?  Well, I’m no expert but if any of them are always unpleasant, annoying, often complainers, difficult to be around and just clearly undesirable… they are Toxic.

When you are working towards success, being stress-free is most important.  Stress clouds your judgment and holds you back from accomplishing tasks and goals.  Keeping toxic people in your life is you welcoming forms of anger, frustrations, manipulation, resentment and soooo much more that you don’t deserve into your space.  Let them go!!

All people aren’t the same and may possess different toxins that poisons your well-being.  You must decide how to decipher what’s not healthy for your lifestyle.  As strange as it may sound, people do try to control you, take without giving, are often dishonest, play victim and completely disregard your boundaries.  You must take responsibility of how you choose to be treated. 

Your future is depending on you!!!

~Live Unapologetically

5 Ways to Simplify Your Life!! Remember... Less is More!!!!

"If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things...This is the best season of your life." 
~Wu-Men

Simplicity brings balance, freedom and happiness.  As we begin to live simply and experience the benefits of doing so, we begin to solely focus on the essentials of life.

Lately I have found myself often jittery, stressed out and hardly sleeping at night.  My mind is always going and going like the Energizer Bunny.  I know some of you may not think that an overly active mind is a bad thing; however, if its wasted energy and nothing is getting accomplished then something has to change.

I don't do New Year's Resolutions, but I have been telling myself that I need lifestyle changes.  After soooo many sleepless nights, I have come to the conclusion of "simplifying my life".  Everyone is different and all things aren't One Size Fits All!  However, these are steps I chose to make for myself and so far, I can honestly feel JOY and PEACE!

 1.  Do a Clutter Bust (De-clutter)

Remove ALL things from any space that doesn't make you happy.  We often become caught up in material things/worldly possessions.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't have any of these things but if it doesn't bring you joy, then get rid of it.  Through experience, where there is clutter, there is stress.

 

•  Start with your closets.  Go through your clothes and shoes and remove the items you haven't worn and have been holding on to since the 6th grade.  Come on now, you can't fit that shirt anymore...lol!! 

• If there are stuffed animals, trinkets, toy cars collecting dust, old picture frames...etc., put them in a bag to remove from your home.

• Move to the next place such as your kitchen.  All those gadgets aren’t being used.

• If you have the heart to do so, donate anything you no longer need or use.  I know GOODWILL is probably tired of seeing me... or maybe not :)

 2. Possess Gratitude

Once you begin to appreciate the things you have, material things will no longer impact your life.  You will begin noticing the changes in your mindset and become content with your day-to-day life.  Those things you once thought made you happy, no longer matters anymore.

 3. Evaluate Your Relationships

When you are around different people, you must evaluate how they make you feel.  Are they encouraging and uplifting you… or do they drain and literally suck the God-given energy out of your life?

While transitioning to simplifying your life, it is important that your friends and others in your network aren’t causing you stress.  You no longer have the space or time for those who are depleting.

4.  Evaluate Your Goals

Having too many goals at once causes you to lose focus on what you want to do.  By reducing your number of goals and focusing on one or two at a time, you improve your success rate.  List the things you want to accomplish in life and choose the top two that are MOST important.  Once you have accomplished those goals, focus on the next one or two from the list and so on.

5.  Help Others in Need

Now that you are in a different head space, you will find that helping others in need is soooo rewarding.  Not for recognition of any kind but the satisfaction of your inner self.  There will be others to come along and need you as you now find yourself available to lend a helping hand.  However, do not overwhelm yourself with tasks that are hugely asked of you.  If you find yourself not able to do it 100%, just let them know that you cannot do it all but will help as much as possible.  Help them get to the place you are now.  As I often say… PAY IT FORWARD!!!

~Live Unapologetically

Can Men and Women be Best Friends?

Many people have the tendency to believe that men and women can't be Best Friends/Real Friends.  For some odd reason, it is believed that sex Always come into play with friends of the opposite sex.  I have a Male Best Friend of 16 Years now whom I Love to death.  We have always been close with a straight-up platonic relationship.  Contrary to popular belief, it is possible!!

 

Every time I tell someone I have a male best friend, the first thing they ask me is "Have you two had sex??"... Then its "Is he gay??"...Really???  Is that all people think about these days?  For the record, my best friend is a STRAIGHT MAN!!  I recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine and he said that he has a female best friend, but he don't think he could actually be MY best friend.  He feels that I am very attractive and he couldn't really get pass that.  I just shook my head.  Does a woman have to be not-so-attractive to be true friends with the opposite sex?  How tragic...Lol!!!

 

There are some people from High School and family members as well who still ask my Best friend if we have slept together.  First of all, GO GET YOUR LIFE!!!  Why are you still dwelling on the relationship he and I have anyways?  We are 31 years old so do the math of how long we've been out of school.  Stop Childishly living in the Past, feeding off our present, and secretly wanting our future!  Yes, I said it... (Boo Hoo, Cry Me a River)!!  My life has surpassed Memphis, TN.  I am a woman who does NOT open my legs to every guy I encounter.  In my opinion, if you are a woman who feels that you can't have a friendship with a male because sex always takes place then you need help.  I have a Master's Degree in Counseling, I'm always here to help you... Ha ha!!

 

Now, I am not blind nor have I been sheltered, so it is understood and possible that one may have a certain feeling towards the other, but is never shown or spoken.  Do you all feel that male/female friendships are just cover-ups, hoping and praying for future love relationships?

 

Anyways, I felt the need to discuss this because its pathetic of how people still seem to question something that is so simple.  I was also told by a guy that he could NEVER be with me because I have a male best friend and he knew I wouldn't remove myself from the friendship.  Well, for any man who feels that way, its your loss... not mine :-) In my opinion, men and women CAN be Best Friends!!  I'm just saying!!!

 

~Live Unapologetically

 

MARRY for LOVE or STABILITY??

Now-a-days, everyone has their own opinions and views of what marriage should be.  I am in No way married or even close to getting married (I'll get to that when the time comes... If that time comes).  Anyhow, as a kid adults were often in my ear telling me all of these reasons to marry or not to marry.  I found them to be very interesting and unexpected to say the least.

 

Honestly, marriage is not a big deal in my family... I can count on one hand how many are actually married.  For advice on that slice of life , I had to rely on others such as teachers, mentors...etc.  I remember being in the 7th grade and had a teacher say to me, "Senobia, you are a Beautiful girl and many men will love and adore you; however, you make sure they love you more than you love them... and absolutely do Not marry solely for love.  Love will eventually fade away, but if you have stability, you can still survive and push through."  The look on my face on my face though... Priceless!!  I said to myself, "This woman is a freaking Looney Bin!!"

 

Now that I'm older and wiser, I get to see how things operate for myself.  I can clearly make the decision to marry for whatever reasons "I" choose to do so (to each his own).  One thing I will say is that from what I've witnessed through others, marriage has become completely distorted.  I can't base my life off of others but damn... I'm not getting the butterfly feeling in my stomach or googly eyes either. 

 

Sooo, I recently asked this young lady (26 years old) what was her reason to marry.  She told me that she came from nothing and refuses to go back to having nothing.  She loves her fiancé', but she needs stability in her life more so than love.  Once love fades away then what do you have left?  I don't judge but I was like "Wow... Okay, I appreciate your honesty...Lol!"

 

You have those who say marriage should only be for love because money isn't everything (love doesn't pay the mortgage).  We also have those who say it should be stability because people fall out of love all the time... then comes Divorce.  Biblically we all know what marriage should be; however, not many people have a true understanding of what is really asked of us.

 

I always like to hear what others have to say on this matter because everyone is different and I DO NOT JUDGE.  That is not my place.  Again, I am not yet married nor am I ashamed of not being married.  I'm not one who rushes into things for the sake of saying I'm married or for the glitz and glamour of it all.  When I feel it is my time, I will stand before GOD and make that vow.  Until then, I'm doing me... (Take it however you like).  So, whenever that time comes for you, be it male or female what will be your true reason for marrying?  Is it Love or Stability?

~Live Unapologetically

Power Couples... Superficial or Empowering?

Okay, So I was conversing with a friend of mine and I told him that whenever I find "that one", I want very much so to be a POWER COUPLE.  He looked at me and asked, "Well, don't you think that is very Superficial?"  I smacked my lips and said, "Hell No!!"  Their take on it is that only Celebrities can be Power Couples and you must have money and etc...  Ummm, BLAH!!

 

There is a lot of scrutiny in this whole "power couple" thing, but I feel that it's all in how YOU choose to live your life and what you want in your partner.  I'm not superficial and I definitely don't think I'm some sort of celebrity or anything.  I just want that Strong Black Man encouraging and uplifting me as I would reciprocate for him.  I'm no trophy wife type of girl but I can guarantee I would complement him without a doubt (Yes, I'm just that confident).  Hey, men love a Confident woman.  Isn't that right guys? :-)

 

Some people choose to live a more quiet life and there is nothing wrong with that.  I don't turn my nose up at that idea, but people seem to turn their noses up at me about what I want.  Yeah... I don't care... I DO ME!!  Maybe, some people don't feel its attainable; yet, they secretly deep down want that same empowerment too (snickering to myself).  Just be honest with yourself.  

 

For those who have met me, still in my circle/space or just crossed my path, typically view me as the quiet, private person, yet dominate and intimidating.  (Hey, these are not my adjectives). Okay, moving along... I feel there are key components to being a Power Couple.  I won't list them all; however, I know that whomever that man shall be will want me as an equal partner, will also believe women should be smart, ambitious and opinionated.  Whew, now that's a sexy man!! Lol!!  Above all, we BOTH will have high-powered careers and will be influential.  Oh yeah... he exists out there somewhere and I WILL find him.

 

I love to radiate positive energy and empower others.  So, why not have that relationship where we do it together?  We'll be sure to know when that time has arrived because people will begin to admire us; yet, Definitely criticize due to extreme envy.  (Ha... Don't you just love that)!  It shall only push you further and remind you that people are admiring and taking notes.  Yeah, well that's the point!!

 

All in all, everyone has the right to feel however they choose about relationships and the whole power couple thing.  Whatever... DO YOU!!  I say it's not all about money, but the Majority of those type of relationships do have wealth.  What is wrong with that??  Absolutely nothing!!  I do not feel it's Superficial at all.  So after writing all of this, I STILL say that I want to be a Power Couple.  You may form your own opinion of me and that's perfectly fine.  I'm putting this out over social media so comment away as you please... Just know that it changes nothing.  I live for me and you should be living for you. 

~Live Unapologetically  

My Brown Skin is Prettier than your Dark Skin!!

I know many of you read this headline and instantly thought "WTF"!!!  This Beotch is Crazy!! First, I will like to say that I do NOT by any means feel this way.  The majority of you are aware of the prejudices and stereotypes within the Black/African American race.  It is one thing for others outside of our race to view us a certain way, but it's Shameful when our OWN people view us in that same manner.  I decided to post about this today because I recently overheard two Twenty-Somethings young women actually arguing and one girl told the other, "That's why you'll never be anything or get anywhere in life because you BLACK"...(meaning darker skinned)!!  Yes, they were flat out serious.  I could have screamed (I wish y'all could have seen the look on my face), but I stayed in my lane.  The girl who made the comment was light-skinned.  If you all could have heard that conversation, you would have been picking up your bottom jaw.  It got REAL...Literally!!

 

I am brown-skinned (caramel complexion); however, starting around the age of ten, I was often picked on by others whose skin tones were different than mine.  For whatever reason I was categorized as Light-Skinned.  Many dark-skinned girls did not like me because they said I was stuck-up and I thought I was better than others who were darker than myself.    That main comment I would ALWAYS hear was (rolling their necks) "You think you FINE and ALL THAT because you're light-skinned with pretty hair; and Yes you are light-skinned because you are lighter than we are".  You talking about looking dumbfounded...Lol!!  I was never that type of girl, but they made the assumption instantly because of the shade of my skin. I just could not believe that foolery, even as a child.

 

You all have heard many of the stereotypes that are still being associated within society to date.  Light-skinned stereotypes are: pretty, gorgeous hair, gets all the boys/men, stuck-up, get all the jobs, can't fight, prissy, timid, always fit and slim, just all around clean.

 

Brown-skinned stereotypes aren't as highlighted as light and dark.  However, some are: we get the jobs, boys/men, clean, dress well, down-to-earth, outgoing, sometimes snooty, nice hair, pretty smiles and mostly calm and easy-going.

 

Dark-Skinned stereotypes are: ugly, big noses, nappy hair, not attractive to men, dirty, smell bad, the best fighters/defenders, last to get jobs, not accepted in society, outspoken, loud and just obnoxious.

 

See, people often think that only dark-skinned males/females get scrutinized...Ha!! WRONG!!  Someone of a different shade has experienced the stupidity as well.  These are the type of things that has some black women using bleach creams to lighten their skin and have their daughters wanting white dolls instead of black dolls.

 

All of these things are Ridiculous, but this is our society and how our OWN race perceives the next black man/woman.  Many of you may have prejudices and not realize it.  Have you ever made a comment to someone else about their skin tone but didn't think it was a big deal?  Think about it.  Do you feel that whatever skin tone you are has caused you to be picked on or personally stereotyped?  If so, comment about it below.  I, myself would love to read about your experiences.  I can guarantee that others have heard the same things and you will realize that you are not alone.

 

What's crazy is that there will still be some people reading this, smacking their lips talking about "Whatever, light-skinned people do think they are better; dark-skinned people are ugly!!  She don't know what the hell she talking about!! (Roll eyes, snap fingers)...Lol!!  It's all good though.  I Embrace my Beauty.

 

Come on people... Seriously though... Get Over Yourselves!!   Stand your ground and love the skin you're in.  No one else can do it better. 

 

We have to teach the younger generations to love themselves and accept who they are because life is hard and hey... Life is just that... HARD!!  Do not allow others and their opinions define who YOU are as a person.  BE YOU!!

TRUTH TUESDAY...

I'M JUST SAYING...

 

Okay, it's not too often that I put myself on Blast; however, today is a tad bit different.  Today is my truth Tuesday.  As I always say, "It is what it is"!!  Take it how it is!

 

 

1.  I got on the scale last week and I am 8 pounds heavier than I was before the Thanksgiving break!!That's a bit much for me... I'm only 5'4!!

 

2.  I keep telling myself that I am going to workout in the gym, but all I have done is stuff my face   with foods that start with a 'C'... (Cookies, Candy, Chips, Crackers,)... SMH @ Myself!!!  Why??  Because I am a straight up Junk Food Sugar Head...

 

 



 

3.  I am a health and fitness fanatic, yet, I haven't gotten my lazy self up to run or do anything for   that matter.

 

 4.  Guess what!!... I HATE RUNNING!!!

 

 5.  Last night, I had to stop myself from shoving my face with some Twix Ice Cream!!o_O

 

 

At some point, I will stop complaining about feeling like a blowfish if I'm not doing anything about it.  I need 8 pounds gone ASAP before it becomes a plus 2 then I must lose 10.  #Tragic

IN ORDER TO WIN... I MUST LOSE!!!

 

 

 

WHAT ABOUT YOU?? ... TELL THE TRUTH!!